Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Am I just hearing things?

When I was very young I fell asleep on a couch. Actually, I'll never know if I was asleep and dreaming or falling asleep and not dreaming. Or maybe it was that weird in-between. Anyways, as I was 'sleeping' on the couch I saw, walking along the cushion right in front of my face, a bee. I was frozen stiff, terrified. I suppose this was before that time I was stung a lot, since that sort of cured my fear of bees; getting stung isn't the worst hurt in the world. But at this time I was terrified, indeed petrified. Frozen, unable to move, I watched this bee pass my face, out of view. I was absolutely convinced it had crawled into my ear. For years I would believe any ringing in my ears was the result of said bee, trapped forever, buzzing madly. It kind of bothered me.

When I was very young, I think now that I must have been very stupid, for in the still and quiet of the night I didn't know that it was my own heartbeat I could hear. I believed that the thumping in my ears was the footsteps of a giant that I could hear. In terror I was unable to move or cry out for help, otherwise the giant might hear me and find me that much sooner; he was always coming after me. And of course the more afraid I became, the faster and louder my heart beat; the closer and closer the giant came. I think I actually scared myself to sleep those nights.

I hate when I hear the mailman come, but I've already checked for mail earlier. It would look terribly odd to check the mail twice in one day, and return empty handed on both occasions. I don't want to look like a mail-stalker, or some kind of shut-in. I don't know who's watching me, but I have to look normal.

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